Blog 40 – Great White Social Networking Lies

It says what it says so on the tin. The following article is 100% true, it does not represent my views of any kind and you must totally follow these procedures as if your life depends on it. These are facts.

Facts, I tell you.

Don’t worry. You can trust me…. 😉

Twitter:

People are really spreading terrible rumours about you on Twitter. Do click the DM link, otherwise shockingly painful things will happen to you. Be sure to find that person who is spreading those vicious lies about you and make them pay, in blood…

Later… Thank the person who sent that direct message to put you in the picture. How so very caring… In fact, there is absolutely no way you can repay them in monetary value. You must now sacrifice your neighbour’s pet in order to feel satisfied and content enough to proceed with your life.

Oh and remember… If that link redirects you to the twitter log-in screen. Yes, you can bet your candy ass that it’s totally legit. “Genuine” is it’s middle name. Thank that person again. Sacrifice another. You owe your life to this person.

There really are kind people in this world.

Facebook:

Likes really do save lives and provide clean water for the unfortunate. Don’t believe me? Why not? The proof is there. You need to learn that the world is not a cruel place and that clicking a button can mean the world to a starving family, somewhere in the world… I mean, why else would the Like button even exist? See, Mark Zuckerberg isn’t so bad after all, is he?

It’s time you helped the people in the picture by going one step further. Share the picture… That means way more than a single like. Heck, you could do this on a regular basis. Don’t doubt Facebook. They really will send prayers and money on your behalf. You are now the coolest person to walk this Earth. You’ve helped so many people.

You can now walk down the street with your head up high….

Because YOU, my friend, just saved a life. You made this world a better place.

So I thank you very much on behalf of mankind.

Spread the word.

I guess the internet is not such a bad thing after all, eh?

Peace,

Syd